What is limerence? : Explore The concept of limerence: a form of infatuation, its distinct stages and common signs as outlined by experts
The late American psychologist Dorothy Tennov initially used the term “limerence” in 1979 when she discussed the psychological phenomenon in her book Love and Limerence: The phenomenon of Being in Love. Tennov was a collaborator for Fisher and Wakin, who have since developed her work.
According to anthropologist and expert on love Helen Fisher, PhD, limerence—often referred to as a deep infatuation—often manifests as strong sensations of romantic desire. According to psychology professor and limerence researcher Albert Wakin, MS, limerence is a type of love. It’s not love, I say.
Fisher adds that limerence is a subtype of romantic love that is characterized by intrusive and obsessive thoughts about the subject of your passion, a desire for an emotional union, and a strong desire to win them over. The limerent person might consider their romantic interest to be “special,” and when it seems as though that unique person is separating from them, the limerent person might exhibit symptoms of separation anxiety, according to the expert.
Psychologists and love researchers have been able to categorize the limerent experience into three stages ever since Dorothy Tennov coined the term “limerence” in the late 1970s. Fisher goes on to list these stages and define the traits that distinguish each one.
Infatuation :
At this point, the other person might consume all of your thoughts, day and night. You might find yourself sitting by the phone waiting for their text or call, similar to the invasive thoughts and actions that signify a serious crush, adds Fisher. As a result of this individual occupying so much mental space in your life, it may even be difficult for you to sleep or eat because it makes it difficult to concentrate on other tasks.
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Crystallization :
‘Positive illusions’ is the word used in academia to describe this stage, according to Fisher. Even if they don’t live up to it, she continues, it’s the process of developing your idea of who this person is.Even healthy romantic love goes through the crystallization stage, which is what enables people to love unconditionally and see past their partner’s faults. It’s also been demonstrated through science that it makes relationships last. In Fisher’s research, for instance, couples who had been married for an average of 21 years and maintained their positive illusions had their brains scanned. When thinking about their partner, the brain region associated with negativity bias showed decreased activity.
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Deterioration:
In a limerent relationship, “the whole crystallization breaks down and you not only see someone for who they are, but you see them for somebody you don’t like,” according to Fisher. The deteriorating stage is referred to as this. A limerent connection eventually starts to fall apart, unlike in a healthy love relationship, where the bond stabilizes and becomes more predictable after “usually between six months and a year,” according to Wakin. When you realize that your impression of the person is false and you are unable to look past their less attractive traits (or, uh, red flags), you may start to lose interest in them.
According to experts, Here are some common signs, if you’re not sure if you’re falling in love or simply falling into the limerence trap.
- Obsessive Thinking: Many people have a tendency to think about their crush all the time. They mentally replay exchanges and talks with the other person while picturing potential future interactions.
- Emotional Rollercoaster : Limerence has the potential to cause extreme emotional highs and lows. The limerent individual may experience euphoria when they sense reciprocation or good attention from the object of their adoration. On the other hand, any sense of rejection or disinterest can cause intense despair or worry.
- Idealization: The lustful person frequently imagines the object of their adoration as perfect, dismissing any flaws or shortcomings.
- Limerence can cause unwanted and intrusive thoughts about the individual, which can be upsetting and distracting.
- Limerence can cause physical symptoms such a faster heartbeat, perspiration, shaking, and a general feeling of anxiety or excitement.
- Fear of Rejection: People who are infatuated with someone are frequently extremely sensitive to any indications of rejection or lack of interest on their part. Anxiety and uncertainty might result from this fear of rejection.
- Intense Desire for Reciprocation: Limerent people frequently have an intense desire for the other person to feel the same way. To get the person’s love or attention, they might do anything.
It is important to understand that limerence is a fleeting and powerful state of infatuation that, if the feelings are shared and a healthy relationship forms, can transform into a deeper, more stable type of love. However, it may be advantageous to seek treatment from a mental health professional if limerence continues, intensifies, or interferes with a person’s functioning or well-being.
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