How to co-parent your child in the first phase of your separating up
We are living in a country where ‘DIVORCE’ is one of the most tabooed concepts. Learning from our understanding of the marriage in India, they are a family affair more than a matter of two people getting together on the bond of love. Hence, with the Indian idea of marriage, it is quite difficult to normalize divorce as it doesn’t involve separating up two people, for whom, getting together didn’t work out, but it is an affair that is deeply influenced by the family and societal judgments. And if a couple has kids, the entire process just becomes more difficult as the whole argument of getting or not getting divorced comes down to “baccho ka toh thoda socho”.
But honestly, there really is no meaning of a marriage if the element of love gets eliminated from it. And if your child and parenting responsibilities are your concern then for a fact, there can’t be anyone who could do any better for your child. It is just that you need to have a balance of how you and your ex is going to co-parent the child even after getting separated.
Here are a few ways to co-parent your child after you end up splitting
1. Ensuring space for conversations with your child
Now that you both have split, it is genuinely difficult to for the child to have you both, every time they need you. And while after you split, you both will get involved in your work, ensuring that your child is getting enough space to have a conversation with you is highly essential. Ensure that you take up time to talk to your child and your child finds it easy to reach out to you, or your ex, as per their choice.
Read more: An Unfiltered take on ‘Helicopter Parenting’ and how it is affecting Teachers?
2. Keeping a track of each others’ schedule and then planning shared calenders
Parenting is a great deal of understanding between both partners. While you both have split, you can’t stop understanding each other if you need to parent your child. As both of you will have your own work too, a good way to parent after your split is to look after each other’s schedule and then plan calendars accordingly.
3. Ensure that your differences don’t hit the child’s psyche
A child is really like a psychological sponge. The atmosphere they live in highly affects them. While you both have happened to split, and you will schedule a calendar for the child, ensure that there aren’t many things that are unpredictable for the child. Ensure that they are not juggling between you both without being able to understand what is their routine. Make things be as easy and flexible as possible for your child so that they don’t get any psychological strain.
4. Don’t impose any of yourselves on the child and don’t try to separate them from the other parent
Your child needs both of their parents for their growth. They need love and support from both of you. Hence, just the thought that they will have to get split from any of their parents can hit them really bad. Maybe from the younger kids, it could have become possible, but for the grown-ups, even in the age group of 3-10 years and more, it is very difficult to deal with the idea of leaving behind any of the parents.
5. Don’t try to validate your child’s love by taking pools between you and your partner
This is something that the parents often go on doing but it could be deliberately wrong for the child. Your child loves you unconditionally, and you asking them to choose between any of them is like asking them to make a forced-choice. By doing this, you are ending up enforcing your insecurities on your child which is just not gonna help in any way.
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