Can a girl not have certain expectations for their guys? Does that Mean Having Extremely High Standards?

“Agar itni shartein rakhi toh tumhe kabhi koi ladka milega hi nhi” (If you will put conditions for the guy, you will end up finding no guy for yourself). This is a common dialogue that women get when they keep a certain set of expectations for the guy they wish to date or marry for that matter. Criticizing women for putting forward their wants and desires, their choices, their ideas and opinions, and expectations have been a norm of Indian society. Women are either expected to not have any expectations or not put them forward, even if they have any. But the women of the present generation, who are educated, and progressive thinkers, do have desires and dare (so to say) to put their desires and expectations forward, but society doesn’t step back from calling them out for having high standards.

Well, obviously, expecting the guy to be the ultra perfect is not a very good idea, but expecting them to fit in some basic set of expectations, that is based on nothing but values and moral grounds; can not be wrong. And for the fact matters, it is not just for women but for men also. Are they called out for having certain expectations (even the ones that are not based on morality and ethics)? Not really! And they shouldn’t be as dating or even marriage is a big decision to make and would be a scud one if both the spouse don’t match each other’s expectations. But the question here that remains is that why are women called out for having a certain set of expectations, especially the moral and ethical ones.

Here are certain expectations that girls have and get called out for having high standards

1. Expecting him to respect will, choice, and consent

Women, especially married women, when put the idea of expecting their spouse to respect the idea of will, choice, and consent, they are seen as expecting a lot. The precise evidence of it can be seen in the fact that ‘Marital rapes’ are yet not seen as a crime. In terms of dating, the idea of consent is often found to be difficult to digest by a man, instead, he finds sexual intimacy as something, he would be required to strongly persuade for.

2. Understanding her work and work responsibilities

Women in contemporary are not the ones who will sacrifice the job and career for their marriage. And they certainly expect the spouse to have an understanding of their work. “Kitna bhi bahar kaam kar lo, aa kar ghar tumeh hi sambhalna hai” is a common dialogue that women get from their mothers and society. But women of this generation certainly want their potential spouse to not have this though that ‘ghar sif vahi sambhalegi’ (she is the only one who will take care of home) and this is not really expecting a lot.

3. Not feeling insecure if she earns more, have guy friends, or simply is better at certain things than him

Men come from a position of being the oppressor and often end up identify themselves as lined with insecurities when they see their spouse being better than him but is a woman wrong at expecting their spouse to celebrate her success, or appreciate her for the things she is better at, than him?

4. Know how to make food for himself or the family

Cooking food is not women’s responsibility and men should understand it. Is expecting this is keeping high standards? Well, we wonder why and how.

5. Expecting him to take care of the child

It is not the mother only who is a child’s parent, the father is too. Hence, when a woman expects the equal contribution of a husband in child care, she is expecting the mere basic. There is no point in making her feel that she is expecting a lot.

So, these are a few points for which women are made to feel that they have high standards, where in reality, these are the very basics every woman should and does expect their spouse to have.

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