Let’s look at some solutions that can be done when you are a partner with a High Sex Drive and struggling to manage it.
Researchers say that sexual satisfaction plays a significant role in couples’ healthy relationships. However, a few factors can influence the quality of sex life and individual sexual desire throughout a relationship.
Many researchers say men are hornier than women. Well, it is inaccurate, and people spout this shite every time; they are wrong. It completely varies from person to person. Some men have a higher libido and some lower; the same for women.
However, many recent researches have shown that women are usually far hungrier for (excellent or hardcore) sex than men. It’s perfectly natural as couples of all ages experience this all the time. Still, it doesn’t mean your relationship isn’t working.
Also, it has been observed that women need sheer sexual pleasure and often complain about their husbands never touching them unless they want sex. This very act turns women off.
“Men need to understand that hugging, cuddling, holding hands, sitting next to her on the couch and having a conversation, or kissing her in ways are affectionate but not sexual. I get a lot of complaints from women saying that men are incapable of hugging without their hands running down their bodies. Many women like affection without sexual pleasures. They get annoyed at times when every touch becomes a motive of foreplay,” says Bangalore-based Psychologist and relationship expert Sindhu Vasanth.
Let’s look at some solutions that can be done when you are the partner with a high sex drive, and you’re struggling with how to manage it.
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What do you want:
You have to be sure about whether it is sex that you want or other needs which include more sexual fun together, including different positions, different styles (hardcore sex, BDSM, SNM), asexual relationship, nonsexual affection or the proof which shows your partner’s love? Also, it has been observed, despite desire differences, couples feel closer to each other when they cuddle, travel, and treat each other more compassionately.
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Talk to your partner and see how they feel:
The biggest problem in every relationship is that couples don’t share stuff. Ironically, they hesitate to talk about it with the one they choose to live with forever. Couples must be open with everything and check in with their partner about how they feel about it. Share whatever’s been going on in your mind. Doing this, you could experience immediate relief and see the solution to the problem get resolved or realize you have other related issues that are the actual cause.
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Never take it personally:
It may be hard to get over that your sexual desires are rejected repeatedly, but never take it personally. Your partner’s lower libido doesn’t say anything about you, their affection/attraction to you, or your qualities as a human being. Men’s and women’s hormones and personalities differ widely, so it may be a matter of a hormonal deficiency, physiological problems, or feelings a person has about himself or herself. Try to have an open and honest discussion about your differences in sex drive and what can be done about it.
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Engage in self-pleasure more often:
Know that your partner isn’t solely responsible for meeting your sexual needs or desires. You can take things into your own hands, which feels great sometimes, and it works for some couples. Self-pleasuring is a great way to alleviate your sexual tension outside of direct intimacy with your partner. But, if you’re going to ‘self-pleasure’ yourself, you don’t have to try to hide it, rush through it, or do it from a place of anger. Because if you’re always hiding it, it just creates more distance between the two of you. You can also turn on your partner if it helps.
P.S.: The term “self-pleasure” that I am using here, instead of “masturbation”, is because it expresses a whole different energy. I’m encouraging you to practice a more mindful way of pleasuring yourself using no porn or visuals unless it features your partner. Still, try this practice with total mindfulness.
Read more- How to introduce Sex Toys in Your Relationship? The key is to talk!
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Ask if your partner can do anything to help you feel loved and supported:
It’s ok if you aren’t doing anything sexual. You can still find ways to connect, to cherish intimacy and physical touch. Sometimes it happens naturally, but other times you look for signs such as acknowledgement, attention, approval, and acceptance from your partner. Also, ask
if your partner can work on a compromise, like if you want to have sex 5 times a week and your partner wants twice a week (or less), then perhaps you can try having sex twice a week for a while.
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Consult a sex therapist:
Try to see a sex therapist because he/she can pinpoint some underlying issues contributing to your sexual disconnect. There are many sex therapies that couples can try to relieve their moment. Studies have shown that physical and mental health is essential for both men and women and impacts libido. Perhaps this is why it is the main reason couples seek out sex therapy.
“Couples must understand that having different sex drives is an obstacle many couples face in their relationship, especially as they stay together for longer. Stress and
hormone levels, physical, to name a few, can cause a lower sex drive. However, you can overcome this obstacle with healthy communication, proper understanding, and maybe trying to spice things up in your bedroom,” said Vasanth.
“Everyone’s body is different and reacts differently. There may sometimes be chapters along the way where you will find that one partner has a high sex drive, and later it switches to the other partner. What matters is how you live with the one with a lower sex drive because experiencing unmatched sex drives is just a part of a relationship”, Vasanth added.
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