Breaking Stereotypes with overcoming Nice Guy Syndrome
Have you ever felt that you are always trying to please others by saying yes to everyone, even though you know you probably shouldn’t have because you were being the nice guy?
Like once Harvey Specter said, Caring makes you weak. When they (people) know you care, they will walk all over you.
Being a nice person often didn’t lead to the results you always wanted. Sometimes it backfired in a nasty way and you get all confused why because at the end of the day, you were only being nice. Let us understand what is Nice Guy Syndrome?
However, the confusion will go away when you will read ‘No More Mr. Nice Guy’ written by the renowned psychotherapist Robert A. Glover. This book will give you a clear picture of a healthy form of being a nice person and a very toxic one. Today, we will understand what Nice Guy Syndrome is, and why it is not healthy?
Being a nice guy and pretending to be a nice guy or aka people pleaser are two different things. The qualities of a nice guy indicate a positive vibe, non-confrontational, honest, loyal, supportive, respectful, courteous, etc. for the negative person who is a people pleaser is just unassertive, clever, dubious, and the one who does not express his true feelings, etc.
Here are some signs of being a “Nice Guy” or Nice Guy Syndrome
- You genuinely care for others
- You neglect yourself
- You are compassionate
- You are emotionally dependent on your partner
- You never hurt anyone even if they hurt you
- You don’t say ‘NO’ to others
- Often underestimated by others
- You let people take you for granted
- You feel ‘used up’ in business and relationships
- Ask for permission or approval on anything
- Your kindness is often disrespected, but you continue to be courteous
- You’re afraid to get rejected by others
Now, if you have found a part of yourself in these personality traits listed above, then know that it is a good thing. The world would be much nicer if there were more kind and nice people like you. But, worrying more about others than about yourself will only lose your respect from others.
There are also some nice guys who aren’t that nice but a people pleaser who also help others but with a reason for their own benefit.
Let’s look at some classic signs of being a people pleaser:
1. They have a feeling of resentment
2. They are always looking for the “right” way to do things
3. They tend to analyse rather than feel
4. They try to hide their flaws and mistakes
5. They are kind with the sole motive of seducing a woman
6. Believing and influencing others that “women like bad guys”
7. They are dishonest
8. They Manipulate
9. They always control you
10. They are aggressive
Some of the ways to stop being a people pleaser
Sometimes it happens that when you are too nice to everyone that you stop being nice to yourself and it doesn’t seem fair, does it? Your efforts backfire when people you valued don’t even care anymore
Also, this does not mean that you should stop being a nice person or helping others. It just simply means that you won’t be taken advantage of by anyone anymore and can keep your own time to yourself. There is a big difference between being kind to others, and being a people pleaser.
However, now you’ve got a chance to flip the script but it’ll just take a conscious decision and need to be followed up with lots of effort, so read on to know what’s next.
Discover the top ways to stop being a people pleaser.
- Learn to say NO: It is a fact that you will always have a choice before you go ahead and do anything. You do not always need to say yes to everyone every time, so that you will have a choice to pick and choose for yourself what you do or want to do. Once you understand that that you have a choice what to do with your time, it will be a lot easier to see what you can say yes to and what you may need to say no to
- Know your priorities: Set your priorities in life and invest your time and money in the people who really care about you. You’re not here to do people’s jobs all the time. You need to understand what’s more important to you in the long run and act according to that. Knowing what you have to do is a great way of planning out your activities and it will help you in decision making if something comes up where a favor is needed from you. Such priorities in life are more important so like said earlier, learn to say no, and understand that it is OK.
- Move on: You have to let go of people who are selfish and take advantage of your goodness. You will meet such people all your life who will come and go to take advantage of you. However, if you know who these people are, it may be time to let them go from your life no matter how good a bond you share or the great time you have spent with them. Such people are toxic and leave a negative impact on your life and leaving them is perfectly OK.
- Look out for yourself: When you value yourself, you build strong self-esteem and confidence and when a person has more confidence and self-esteem, they will have good self-worth and that is what you need. Take care of yourself to have self-worth in order to put yourself first. Surround yourself with positive people and don’t let any negative feelings affect you.
- Why to seek approval: You don’t always need approval for anything. You are being nice because you’re concerned about other people’s feelings but seeking approval every time for everything doesn’t make a good impression. Don’t be a people-pleaser and get approval from everyone before doing something and don’t just be a dummy who lacks any real value and always seeks approvals from others.
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