Unfiltered

Joru Ka Ghulam Hai: How Supportive Husbands are Shamed by Society?

Mai Joru Ka Ghulam ban kar rahunga bas kehte hai, karte nhi! Because society won’t accept it


Highlights:

·        What is Joru Ka Ghulam?

·        How Society Ki Soch impacts men?

·        What men have to say about it?

“Haan Haan tumhe toh uski galti dikhegi Nhi, Joru ke Ghulam ho tum”- This is a common phrase used in Indian households when a man decides extend his support to his wife in front of his family or friends.  Men who support their wives or voice out for her right are often labelled as Joru ka Ghulam which means Wife’s Slave. But have you ever heard Pati Ka Ghulam? No, right? Because women are expected to make sacrifices for a blissful marriage. Recently, our team stepped out to understand what exactly is Joru Ka Ghulam and what men think about it?

After talking to a lot of men, we realized we need to blame patriarchy, not men. Patriarchy is not about men. It is about society as a whole and both men and women are its participant. We have been trained into patriarchy and pass it on from generation to generation.   Since the beginning, men  are being  fed with an idea that they are superior to women. Even if they agree that it is okay to listen to their wife , the fear of being ridiculed by family and friends, they refrain from admitting it publicly.

Why the onus is on the women?

We met a lot men who were extremely supportive of their wife’s choice but they don’t want themselves to be labeled as Joru Ka Ghulam. We realized that many men found this word derogatory. But ismai Galat Kya hai?  Galat hai – The term! Ghulam means slave or servant and yes it is offensive.  Joru Ka Ghulam or Pati ka Ghulam – it could be offensive for anyone.

Every man who refuses to dominate his wife, which is the norm of the society is labeled as Joru Ka Ghulam. Men are actually shamed for being supportive. Like, seriously? When a woman can give up everything for the man she loves, then why it is an unacceptable when husbands support their wives in their success? After all, marriages are based on equality.

Apart from shaming men for supporting their wives, society also villianise the wife who is a part of her husband’s every pivotal  decisions or take decisions on her partner’s behalf.   For not being what she is supposed to be? Does it even make sense? Why always the onus is on the women? Have you heard phrases like – Isne fasya hoga?  Jadoo kar diya hai isne hamare bete par? Uske aane ke baad bas uski sunta hai? Oh yes! Whatever happens is just because of the wife, right?

On the other hand, some men also shared how they always feel the pressure of striking a balance. After marriage, they are either moma’s boy or Joru Ghulam. But why? A quora revealed, “That men are also shamed for many things. The struggle gets real once we get married. There is no harm in supporting your wife and also respecting your parents. The moment you choose on, you get a label.”

Another user said, “It is important to understand that Marriage is not slavery.” Be it man or woman, marriage is about partnership, not slavery. I and my wife are happily married for five years now. She has successful career and I am a house husband and it is our choice. Men too have to unburden themselves because they are human beings, not superman and then the change will come.”

Another pointed out how househusbands are looked down upon by the society and are labeled as Failures. In that case, a lot of men hate this idea. When they are constantly reminded how staying at home and supporting their wife makes them useless.  In fact, if you support her in front of your relatives or friends – Arey Teri Toh Bhabhi ke bolti nhi niklti – comments like this are passed upon and surprisingly women do that often.

Clearly, it is the deep rooted patriarchy that do not let the change happen! It is not always the men. In fact, women too cannot digest the change.

After the voxpop that was quite interesting and insightful, we realized change is coming. Men are willing to come forward and support their wife but things can’t change overnight. The brutal fact remains that Society Ki Soch Badlne mai Waqt lagega.  But the best part is – People are trying to make a difference.  As they say, “ Small changes Make a Big Difference.”

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Parul Srivastava

She likes to express herself through her write-ups. She doesn’t believe in doing different things but she enjoy doing things differently.
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