Quora gave us an excellent solution on how to deal with a demanding partner.
- When your partner demands more time of yours
- When your partner demands too much respect
- When your partner wants to change you
Do you feel like an ATM machine in your relationship? A constant, demanding partner feels like a punch, which drains your energy and makes you feel exhausted.
Our relationship is meant to be the source of our strength. If our support system is taking a toll on our mental, physical, financial, sexual, and emotional health, something is clearly going wrong.
However, a question pops up, where are we going wrong?
Most of us see our relationships as transactions where one party makes demands, and the other fulfils them. If this is what your relationship has become, ask yourself, is it that your partner loves you only if you meet all the demands. Do two people love each other only if one’s needs are fulfilled?
However, on Quora, several people address the issue of too demanding partners and how they resolve the issue.
Give and should not be about things in a relationship. Love, time, respect and care, recommit, your time, and appreciation to each other should be the actual parameters of a relationship.
If it may seem excessive, do not get upset and feel inadequate about yourself.
When your partner demands more time of yours
Marilyn Elliott working at St. Vincent’s Hospital, shared her experience:
As Matt and I went along, I noticed he started to get really irritable, and finally, I sat him down and said what the hell is wrong with you? He admitted that he was missing time to sit and be a bloke, I guess. To be free to write and not have to think about if I need something, peace and quiet time. He made it very clear that he was not sick of me, and he didn’t want to break up, but he just needed some little pockets of Matty’s time.
It’s like the Pink song…. Go away, give me a chance to miss you. Say goodbye, it will make me want to kiss you…cutting’ off the phone, leave me alone, tomorrow I’ll be begging you to come home.
Matt and I dealt with it. I started organizing days out with my friends on weekends, and I’ve actually come to really love it because it means I can do my girl stuff and catch up with my friends without feeling guilty, and he gets some time to breathe.
It is hugely important, though, that you keep the affection levels high and make sure it is reinforced to your partner that you love them, that they matter to you, and that you do not want to lose them. So perhaps you could organize a time when you’re apart, but also a time where you do things together too, so that they see that you value your time with them as much as you love your space.
When your partner demands too much respect, like everything is disrespectful to him
Jayne Patton, A full-time mom and jewellery salesperson tried to resolve the problem more practically.
They are super touchy and need to see a therapist to realize he’s overreacting. If he sees a problem and reaches out for help, he can be helped.
It’s fantastic to go to therapy and begin to make positive, lasting changes in one’s life. I did.
As far as what you do, you can talk to him about it, and he’ll probably be offended. Maybe you can convince him to see a therapist, although I doubt he will go. But give it a try anyway.
Spending less time around him will benefit you and your relationship because constantly being told you are disrespectful is probably taking a mental toll on you.
When your partner wants to change you
People will change, but if the person you’re with now is intolerable, assuming things will get better is a losing strategy.
It would help if you took it as rejection because they are rejecting you – as you are now. Obviously, they saw the breakup option on the table. These are deal-breakers for them, and they know they can’t stay with you the way things are. But they still love you and like the remarkable things about you. So, the alternative is for you to change, and they wanted to give that possibility a chance. They were direct about it.
Do you want to change? Are these qualities you have that you dislike about yourself and want to go away? Changing your personality is challenging. You have to consciously develop methods to improve your discipline and change your habits. It’s not something you can just try at. It takes commitment. It’s like working out. You have to do it consistently until your habitual ways of behaving change, and you will falter. You will constantly have to remind yourself why you want this so badly, and if that reason doesn’t come from you, it’s not a reason at all.