What is resentment? And what are it’s consequences?
Did someone wrong you?
Has your partner cheated on you?
Did someone use you for their benefit?
Do you feel an emotion where you are more affected than being angry or upset?
The emotion you are going through can be resentment. It is an ill-feeling towards a person when you feel they did you wrong or mistreated you.
Resentment is an emotion that affects not only the relationships but also one’s health. People feel it is out of their hands to handle this emotion.
Often with couples, this feeling of resentment is familiar. When one or both the partners feel hurt, cheated, or offended by the others and think that they were deliberately mistreated, irritation occurs.
How resentment affects relationships?
Resentment has ended many relationships and marriages. The emotion is so strong that once it comes into a relationship, it gets very tough to think out of it. Here are some ways in which resentment can affect your relationships.
You’ll get distant
As resentment increases, so does the misunderstandings between couples. A point comes when you do not even feel like resolving the misunderstandings. It is where the distance starts growing.
Resentment changes relationships in colossal ways. Your partner might not be the same person he was before. This change of behaviour causes fights among couples. Couples might even start insulting and accusing each other.
Anything that happens between couples leads to emotional trauma. A person can get affected adversely. People neglect resentment and keep collecting it inside. Many times, it even starts acting a person mentally.
Breakup or Divorce
When resentment increases significantly, you think of nothing but ending the relationship. Couples start feeling that nothing is working for them, and it is better if they part ways. Separation happens when resentment gets high.
Signs of resentment in a relationship
Most of the times, couples neglect the feeling of resentment thinking it’ll go away by itself. However, resentment if not worked upon only increases. Below are some signs of resentment in a relationship. The better you know it, the sooner you can work on it.
You fight over the same issues: Most couples notice that they keep on fighting over the same problems again and again. They know the consequences of the previous fight, yet they raise the same issues. The arguments only get uglier with time.
Couples start finding faults: Most of the times, teams while trying to fix things, we end up blaming the other person. Couples try to blame each other for petty issues. It creates an emotion of dissatisfaction, and resentment builds up.
You feel unheard: Your partner or you might start feeling that their words hold no value for you. It is like your partner keeps on repeating the same mistakes even when you asked them not to. This pool of hurt rises each day.
The intimacy is lost: You will not see a person with the same love you once did when you resent them. You lose the spark of your relationships. You intentionally or unintentionally try to avoid your partner. Loss of physical contact is an alarming sign for any relationship.
You don’t know how to fix things: As you’ll harbour resentment, you’ll start feeling hopeless about your relationship. You will think there is no solution to bring your life back to normal. You’ll start feeling detached from the relationship.
How to fix resentment in a relationship?
Now, that you know how resentment can affect your relationship, here are some steps you both can take to overcome resentment issues in a relationship.
Change your communication strategy.
Many times, couples try to communicate and fix what’s wrong. They neglect all the things that are right in their relationship. Rather than focusing on the wrongs, start appreciating the good things in your partner. It changes relationships dynamically.
Couples these days do not believe in honest communication. They do not present their thoughts. For example, you come from the office and start cooking dinner. You see your partner watching a football match. You keep on burning yourself inside with anger, but do not ask him to help you. These actions only ruin relationships. Be more explicit and more honest about what you feel and how you want things to be instead of expecting the other person to understand themselves.
Couples therapy is an excellent option if you feel things are getting out of your hands. Professional help of a therapist will help you communicate better and resolve conflicts that have ruined your relationship.
Keep realistic expectations
Unrealistic expectations are the most significant cause of resentment. Couples always expect their partners to understand their silence. They expect certain things, actions, and perfection from their partners. However, nobody is perfect. Unfulfilled expectations will only hurt you, so it is better not to keep them in the first place.
Apologize when required
Most of the times, couples fight over misunderstandings and not mistakes. However, none of the two is ready to accept their mistake and apologize. It only increases the issue. If you have been wrongly resenting and you’ve realized it, do not hesitate in apologizing. It does not make your week. Your relationship is worth more than your ego, so forgive and forget small problems.
How to forgive someone who hurt you?
In today’s time, people don’t want to forgive anyone who has done them wrong. However, keeping grudges is only going to affect your health and not theirs.
If you forgive someone who hurt you, you’ve helped yourself heal. Emotional forgiveness releases resentment. In three easy steps, you can forgive someone:
Feel the pain you are experiencing by keeping a grudge.
Understand that what the other person did displays their personality. You don’t have to be like them.
Let go of the past. Letting go frees you from any negativity.
How does forgiveness help the one who forgives?
As humans, we get to choose our reactions in every situation of life. We may decide to respond positively or negatively.
Our reactions will only affect us and not the other person. Many people think that forgiving someone helps the person who did you wrong. The truth is the power of forgiveness helps the one who forgives. As quoted by Buddha,
“Forgiveness doesn’t excuse their behaviour. Forgiveness prevents their behaviour from destroying your heart.”
By forgiving someone, you remove negativity from your body. You free your soul and choose happiness. You’ll see your health improving once you let go of the grudges you’ve been keeping inside.
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