Unresolved Childhood Trauma can haunt your ‘Romantic Relationship’

How Unresolved Childhood Trauma can have many adverse effects on a person’s well being and relationships

Childhood trauma can have a profound impact on both individuals and relationships. Unresolved childhood issues that often lie dormant for years can suddenly come flooding back. Not only can this be painful for the individual, but it can hurt our relationships with other people, especially romantic ones. Childhood is an important part of our life and its experiences are crucial to our emotional well-being, and unresolved childhood trauma can haunt your romantic relationship.

Childhood trauma
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How unresolved trauma can impact your mental health?

A pattern of childhood neglect, emotional or physical abuse, or a story involving sexual molestation or rape creates difficulties for adults as they attempt to make long-term bonds in committed relationships. It is not uncommon to find such an individual afraid to trust, frightened of emotional intimacy, connecting and then withdrawing from a loved one, or perhaps clinging in a frightened, childlike manner, fearful of abandonment. When conflicts arise, a person with a traumatic past may react to the conflict with more feeling or emotional reactivity than the situation warrants. It is important to understand how childhood pain leads to relationship trauma.

childhood Trauma
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Understanding Attachment Injury

Secure attachment is important for keeping a foundation of love, trust, security, and understanding. It helps you take a step forward every time you take a step back. Early childhood has the foundation of secure attachment. It develops within loving, nurturing, and stable relationships in which your emotional and practical needs are met, offering a kind of retreat in times of distress. But when you experience any kind of abuse in your childhood your ability to form such attachments is disrupted, resulting in attachment injury. This is particularly true if your caregivers—especially your parents—are the perpetrators of abuse. However, abuse by anyone at these critical developmental stages can compromise attachment and strip you of the benefits of these secure bonds. This, in turn, can have profoundly damaging effects on every aspect of your life and especially on your future interpersonal relationships.

Childhood Trauma
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Your current and future experiences depend on your attachment level with people, but if it never forms due to severe childhood traumas, it can lead to deteriorating results. People who experience childhood trauma also develop mental health disorders like depression, anxiety, borderline personality disorder, and also lose their emotional and mental stability. Such destruction dynamics threaten your very sole existence. You tend to create a self-identity that revolves around mental issues, trauma, and abuse. You tend to doubt yourself and your self-esteem tends to lose. Also, emotional abuse, neglect, and sexual abuse are more strongly associated with interpersonal distress in adulthood than physical abuse. However, it is important to remember that any abuse survivor can experience profound interpersonal difficulties. But you can heal and address your trauma and other mental health issues. Survivors of childhood trauma often need professional treatment in order to overcome the challenges created by their traumatic experience and regain stability.

There are some ways in which you can heal your inner trauma. 

1. Talk to a therapist: Talk with a therapist to see what behaviors in your life may be related to an early traumatic event, whether you remember the specifics of an event or not. Always talk to a psychologist and treat your mental health. You can understand what exactly traumatizes you. This will help you to heal internally.

2. Take time: You need to understand that it will take time to heal. If the process becomes too intense, slow it down. Take a break. Don’t be in a hurry.

3. Develop emotional strength: You need to express your emotions. If you feel crying, let your tears flow. Feel your sadness. Feel your emotions.

4. Learn New ways of self-soothing: You can try to have a journal. You can note down whatever you are feeling. You can also look for spiritual guidance. Learn to see new things from a different perspective.

“You must believe and find people who would want to be with you in any race of life. It’s all about taking that one step forward.”

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Jagisha Arora

MA in History and has worked as a freelance writer. She writes on issues of gender, caste and democracy.
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