Save yourself from a controlling relationship before it’s too late
Like trust, a relationship is also a two-way street. You should respect your partner to receive it back in return. The same goes for love.
If you’re constantly questioning your partner, not trusting, and nothing they do is ever good enough, how can that be a successful relationship.? Doesn’t matter how much you love them and you know what, because you don’t actually!
There are multiple tactics that controlling partners use to create an unequal sense of power in a relationship and it can be easily disguised and you become aware of the situation and realize how dangerous it can be.
So, learning to cope is essential for you to stay safe with a little support, boundaries, and proactive solutions.
WHAT IS A CONTROLLING RELATIONSHIP EXACTLY?
When you’re in a relationship, you get to know that your partner doesn’t like your friends, your work, even your family, or just about anything else.
Voicing displeasure and forcing you to avoid such things is called controlling. Also, if they are forcing you to change everything about yourself is also controlling.
“If your partner is trying to control you, it’s time you put an end to it, or soon, you’ll be under their full control and won’t even recognise yourself after some time. And, make sure you don’t delay this because controlling behaviour always has a small start but it turns into an obsession very quickly,” says Jaipur-based Divination Practitioner and energy healer Vibha Sharma.
“When you see one of these signs (that are listed below) occasionally in your relationship, don’t panic and relax because we’re human after all and a little hard to deal with at times,” Sharma added.
“It doesn’t always mean that your partner has controlling behaviour just because they said or did something that is listed here. Perhaps your partner was not in a good mood. Haven’t you done the same thing lashing out too quickly? So, don’t take everything too seriously”.
“So, if you see these signs in your relationship happening to you on a regular basis, then it is a control-based relationship,” Sharma further added.
OUR EXPERT SHARES SOME WARNING SIGNS TO KNOW IF YOUR PARTNER IS CONTROLLING YOU
JEALOUSY WITH CONSTANT MONITORING
When your partner is constantly questioning your whereabouts and monitoring every move you are making is a clear sign of a controlling relationship. Not only this, your relationship is lacking trust and may not survive if it continues to be like this. Questions, questions, and questions like who, when, what, where, and why?? Expect such questions and you better have an answer for them. If not, then they’ll use every trick to get you to not do what you want because your partner is a bloody control freak!!!
FORCED ISOLATION BOTH PHYSICAL AND SOCIAL
Limiting your access to your own family and friends is the worst thing your partner can do to you because keeping you away from people, especially from your family in any case is never acceptable. Maybe the reason for this is to control any influence they (family) might have over you but still, it’s not their (partner’s) call to make. If you haven’t spoken to your family and friends in a couple of weeks, well then that’s not a good sign and this starts very subtly and gradually increases over time because you may not know this, but its either you or your partner who is creating distance with your family.
DEGRADING YOUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS
When your partner is degrading your family and friends for no reason and in every conversation, they get a chance. Dismissing them as unimportant, or even calling them by their names is another way of showing disrespect and indicating how better their family is than yours. This sort of rude and dominating behaviour makes you uncomfortable and you fear to even asking for anything if and don’t retaliate at that moment, you will suffer for the rest of your life.
Any kind of abuse serves as a means to isolate a partner, according to Michigan State University’s Safe Place. And, if it is physical abuse, if you have bruises or injuries inflicted upon you by your partner, then its effect will be on you as you may start to avoid going out altogether in order to avoid having to explain or lie about your condition.
STRINGENT FINANCIAL CONSTRAINTS
Another easy way to control you is when your partner restricts your access to money. When you don’t have the money, how will you go out or even make any plans with someone even if it is your family to meet? And, if you are given money, your partner will likely demand an accounting from you for every penny cent spent. You may have an allowance or nothing at all but it would be no amount that could truly allow you to buy much of anything even if it is for fun, let alone cover any of your expenses for basic needs.
VIOLENCE AND THREATS
Threatening verbally or physically is not uncommon in marriages and controlling partners use violence and threats to maintain a sense of power and control. The worst part comes when your partner also threatens to hurt your children or take your children away from you or even threatens to commit suicide as a way to manipulate you, destroy you or your property or have a temper that frightens you. Also, forced sexual encounters are also an example of sexual violence and are a clear sign of control and abuse, both physical and psychological.
THEY WANT YOU TO CHANGE
Things like you’re too fat, too skinny, your hair is not good or whatever your partner describes your physical appearance as not good. There is always something and when your partner forces you to make physical changes in you then you are in a controlling relationship. This way, they will never be happy with how you look and you may need to constantly change yourself to please them but then guess what? ..it’ll never be enough.
YOUR OPINION DOESN’T MATTER
They refuse to hear your point of view and also, and they don’t care about what you have to say. You have to understand that if someone is preventing you from speaking your mind, then it’s a control mechanism.
THEY’RE THE BOSS
They call the shots every time. Also, it’s always going to be your fault. If your partner cheats on you, it’s because you’re not good enough. If your partner spills something on the floor, it’s because you distracted them. It’ll always be you at fault. And when you finally want to leave the relationship, then they accept some blame until you agree to stay with them.
HOW TO COPE: WAYS TO HANDLE CONTROLLING BEHAVIOR IN A RELATIONSHIP
You need to use these steps to slowly change your partner to make a better life for yourself at the same time. If this doesn’t work, it’s finally time to walk away and put yourself first once and for all.
When your partner takes you for granted or tells you not to do something, don’t just accept it. Instead, calmly ask for an explanation and try to make them understand. This way, you can understand your partner better and at the same time, if your partner’s reason is pretty lame, you can take a stand and explain your reasons too.
1. Don’t just suffer or be prepared to suffer for the rest of your life and have a life beyond your partner
2. Don’t waste your time fighting back all the time. (VERY IMPORTANT)
3. Figure out the causes behind his controlling behaviour (VERY IMPORTANT)
4. Don’t be hasty and keep your cool
5. Be close to your family and friends. At least with a few (EXTREMELY IMPORTANT)
6. Don’t hesitate to ask for help (VERY IMPORTANT)
8. Stop doing favours all the time (VERY IMPORTANT)
9. Stop giving him power over you (VERY IMPORTANT)
10. Remind them of the situations when they shit the bed (VERY IMPORTANT)
11. Try and stand on your own feet and be more confident in yourself (EXTREMELY IMPORTANT)
12. Respect them, only when they deserve it
13. Don’t fall into the manipulative trap (EXTREMELY IMPORTANT)
14. Give couples therapy a try (IMPORTANT)
15. Finally, be brave and smart enough to leave (EXTREMELY IMPORTANT)