All you need to know about Relationship Anxiety!
Well, today we are not going to talk about commitment phobia which is really prominent among people nowadays. Instead, we are going to talk about another common problem people are struggling with. Yes, it is ‘Relationship Anxiety’. Relationship anxiety might be something you are struggling with, but chances are, you do not know much about it. It has the potential to ruin the life of a healthy person. If you suffer from relationship anxiety, it is important to become aware of it. Without self-awareness, you will fail to commit to someone and your relationships will be short-lived.
What is Relationship Anxiety?
If someone’s parents did not provide them with the love and care they needed as a child, they often grew up as confuse and insecure. Moreover, if both parents were dealing with their own mental health issues and were not able to meet their children’s needs, these children create a false belief that they were undeserving of love, support, and care. Also, this is psychologically proven as well.
In addition to feeling undeserving and insecure, they might also struggle with trusting people. They grow up expecting others to hurt them or break their boundaries like their own parents did. And unfortunately, this is really common among people these days. If these people avoid conflict and distance themselves from their loved one when they should be intimate, they are probably anxious in a relationship.
What are the Causes of Relationship Anxiety?
Well, there are different attachment styles that point towards Relationship Anxiety.
1. Secure Attachment: People who were safe and comforted by their mother as a child would have a secure attachment with others. These people’s needs were met as soon as they expressed them. They felt acknowledgement from their parents for who they were growing up. This acknowledgement created an inner safety and comfort about who they are. In romantic relationships, they feel safe and trust the other person to be there for them in times of need. They acknowledge their partner’s individuality and independence but, at the same time, are able to say ‘I need you to pick me up from work’ or ‘I feel so sad about your cat dying.
2. Dismissive-avoidant attachment: A person who has a dismissive-avoidant attachment style might be emotionally unavailable. Folks in this category deny the importance of their loved ones and make them feel unloved by ignoring them. They also brush conflicts off like they were not essential to the relationship’s growth.
3. Fearful-avoidant attachment: Those who have a fearful-avoidant attachment style are stuck with ambivalent feelings: they crave for love and attention from their loved ones but are afraid to let him/her get too close. They certainly want their partner but they are scared of getting too close to the core of the intimacy. They think that the core will burn them and they will end up disappointed and hurt. They try to avoid this disappointment by ‘running away’ from the person they love. Avoiding feelings, thoughts and relationship problems is what they do.
How to combat this problem?
There is a solution to every problem and this problem too has a solution. What you need to do is just realize that you have a problem?
1. Know you have a problem: You have relationship anxiety and, by acknowledging this fact, you will shed the confusion you have been carrying around for years. You will no longer be asking yourself Why am I so bad at relationships?
2. Find out your attachment style: If you are a fearful-avoidant, you might want to think of ways of confronting your relationship fears. Go back mentally to your childhood time and remember how your relationship with your mom was. Were you excited to be with her? Did you play a lot with her? Did she care for you when you were angry, fearful or sad or punished you for showing natural, human emotions? Keep a journal to document these memories.
3. Always take a challenge for yourself: If you are brave enough, challenge your attachment style by seeking emotionally healthy partners and friends. Go where these folks usually hang out and try to connect with them. Can you do that? Why? Why not? How did you feel during this challenge? Just take the challenge guys.
4. Practice mindfulness: When you have relationship anxiety, you shift your focus from your body, needs and emotions to your partner’s needs, thoughts and emotions. You worry about what he/she might think of you or you try to not upset them so they will not leave you for someone else. Instead of thinking about others you should think about yourself. Practice meditation for half an hour you will definitely find yourself relaxing.
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