Sex & Relationship

5 Things married daughters don’t want to hear from their mother

Marriage is a big change in the relationship between daughter and mother


There is an old adage that goes ” A daughter is a daughter all her life but son is a son till he takes him a wife” but this adage changed after the girl went to a different home. The relationship between mother and daughter changed after she got married and started living separately. A mother should hold their daughter’s hand just the way they have along the journey. Mother-married daughter relationship in India is a complicated one. How does the equation between the two change because a daughter is no longer in charge of her? It’s impossible in India to teach elders that they could be wrong because they have been treated as god. But we need to understand that whenever possible, mothers should express confidence in their daughter’s choices. This is a hard step for mothers for several reasons. First, it’s hard to let go of the conviction that mother knows best. In fact, mothers who are honest with themselves will admit that they have been wrong on many occasions. Awareness of the problem is the first step toward solution. If your own mother can look after you after your marriage, it’s the best thing for you. A mother shouldn’t say these 5 things to her daughter.

Daughters

1. Make adjustments in in-laws house: Indian mothers tell their daughters to suffer and endure the sasural as though it is a requirement, because after marriage, that is the daughters’ home. Their fate. At most Indian weddings, during the vidai ceremony, a daughter throws back rice in the direction of her maike – her mother. It’s her lifetime of debt. Perhaps it’s time to view the mother-daughter equation with a more critical lens. As equals. For the daughter, her freedom ends after her marriage. Post marriage, a girl’s freedom gets seriously curtailed; the decision to leave her parents’ home after marriage is often forced upon her and is not of her own free will. We need to come together to raise our voice against the injustice done to the Indian daughters.

Daughters

2. Not a part of family: In most traditional Indian families and many such other traditional families from around the world, we often hear a very common phrase when referring to daughters after marriage: “daughters are now outsiders.” The mental health of a girl often deteriorates after listening to these phrases from her own family. Women have stopped expecting belongingness anywhere because a girl after marriage becomes an outsider and does not belong anywhere. Thus, this citation has become the norm in many households.

3. Your generation is lucky: Your in-laws are too sweet and your husband also helps you in the kitchen. Your generation of kids are lucky to have the best in-laws and husband. We didn’t get it. We had to listen a lot from our in-laws. But mothers don’t understand that having these facilities doesn’t make us lucky as we can call this a different setup but not make us lucky.

Read More: ‘It happens only in India’: 10 Bizarre Stories to prove it

4. You need to prioritise your life: Mothers simply doesn’t understand that her daughter’s priority is different from her. Her life is not surrounded by her husband and kids. What if she doesn’t want to be a mother? She needs to accept her decision. Mothers should encourage her daughter to live her life according to her choices and never push her to choose between her career and home.

Daughters

5. Your generation has it all: Mothers felt that their daughters get all in a plate whether a maid or people to help. But mothers failed to understand that despite having all we still struggles. We have different struggles. Mothers should understand that instead of being jealous, they should support their daughter’s struggles.

Mothers also need to give her daughter a space and love, so that she can grow out of this unfortunate phase in her life. It is in these weak moments, that a daughter needs her mother by her side. Last of all, mothers should appreciate their daughters at each step. She is the same princess who has grown up in front of you. Support her, embrace her, love her and let her transform into the queen she was destined to be.

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Jagisha Arora

MA in History. Writes on gender, caste, and social issues. Believe in Dr. BR Ambedkar and Democracy
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